January 2006 Archives

So I downloaded a Mars Volta (excuse me, The Mars Volta) song earlier tonight just to see if they suck as hard as I suspected. Lo and behold, they are fucking horrible. Apparently they are considered prog-rock, which deeply offends me to say the least.

I happen to like progressive rock, despite the bad rap it often gets for being pretentious and over-indulgent. Trust me, The Mars Volta is not prog-rock. If anything, TMV is prog-light for emo pussies. Think mid-eighties Genesis, after Phil Collins transformed them from art-rock pioneers into the adult-pop turd-fest that everyone remembers. Not that Mars Volta sounds like any incarnation of Genesis, mind you. What I meant to say is that they are about as much a progressive rock band as mid-eighties Genesis; i.e., not at all.

Anyway, back to how much they suck. Imagine the Backstreet Boys and Michael Bolton teaming up to make hard rock music, and trying to be deep and artsy. Now imagine something that sucks to an exponentially higher degree, and you've got (The) Mars Volta.

Looking back, it was pretty unfair of me to compare Genesis, even the crappy version of Genesis, to The Mars Volta. At least Phil Collins has pop sensibility for God's sake. I mean, I can listen to Phil's Genesis without wanting to punch someone. Hell, I even like some of the songs; No Son Of Mine and Land Of Confusion are pretty decent. Hearing Mars Volta, on the other hand, made me want to go down to the nearest Hot Topic and throttle every little emo twerp in sight.

For anyone who is interested, below is a list of the music I listened to at work today. As you will see, the day started off fairly heavy with Soulfly and Sepultura, and ended on a mellower vibe with Jerry Cantrell.

After work tonight I made two new music purchase: Lamb Of God's Ashes Of The Wake and Carcass' Necroticism: Descanting the Insalubrious. Lamb Of God is in my CD player right now, and I'm finding its old-school heaviness very satisfying thus far.

Anyway, here is today's work playlist (courtesy of Win Amp):

When I first saw this story in The Baltimore Sun yesterday, I assumed this guy was just a middle-aged version of the kind of vacuous goth/punk/emo/whatever losers that certain ex-associates of mine would probably hang out with:

MINNEAPOLIS // One gubernatorial candidate in Minnesota is giving a whole new meaning to the "dark side" of politics. A man who calls himself a satanic priest plans to run for governor on a 13-point platform that includes the public impaling of terrorists at the state Capitol building.

Jonathon Sharkey, also known as "The Impaler", plans to launch his gubernatorial campaign on -- when else? -- Friday the 13th. He'll make the announcement in Princeton.

However, reading his web site, it sounds like he actually has more than half a brain, which is not something one is likely to find in goth kids. Also, I get the impression that he actually believes in his "religious" affiliations. Even though said beliefs are not my cup of tea, I respect people who believe in something and are true to it, as opposed to the aforementioned goth/punk/emo kids whose sole belief is that it's cool to dress in all black and portray themselves as outcasts.

Have I mentioned that I can't stand goths?

I've been waiting years for this moment, and now that it's here I can barely contain myself...

ROCKVILLE // A Montgomery County judge ruled Tuesday that the act of mooning is not illegal in Maryland, clearing a man accused of indecent exposure after showing his buttocks to a neighbor during an argument.

Judge John W. Debelius III said the defendant, Raymond Hugh McNealy, 44, of Germantown, committed a "disgusting" and "demeaning" act when he allegedly exposed himself to his neighbor and her 8-year-old daughter June 7. But the judge overturned an earlier decision by a District Court judge against McNealy.

"If exposure of half of the buttock constituted indecent exposure, any woman wearing a thong at the beach at Ocean City would be guilty," Debelius said, according to a report today in The Washington Post.

The Baltimore Sun only makes their articles available online for two weeks before charging for access. In the interest of sticking it to The Man, I'm going to post the complete text of the article here. Read on for the rest.

Today's word of the day at Dictionary.com:

gastronome: a lover of good food and drink.

Oh ok. I've heard of that before, but it was called by a different name. What was it again... Oh! I remember now! It was called "being a fat piece of shit."

If you can love good food and drink in moderation, then good for you, but there are some gluttonous bastards out there who really love their good food and drink. And love it, and love it, and love it some more, until they've become Jabba the fucking Hutt with legs.

This kind of overindulgence can lead to serious medical conditions, such as fat-piece-of-shit-itis, that will adversely affect one's mobility. So if that's what you want, then by all means, you should do nothing but sit around drinking, watching televsion and playing video games. Or just sit there and be fat. Whatever floats your boat. And then, one day, you'll wake up with a major case of I'm-a-fat-fuck, and you'll be lucky if you can even make it out of bed.

Jesus. Put the turkey leg down and go take a walk, you fat bastard.

Maybe it's the grammar Nazi in me, but it really bugs me when people mix up "your" and "you're." What's really mind-boggling is that most of the people I notice making this mistake have at least a high school education.

If you've graduated high school and have not yet conquered this daunting aspect of the English language, all hope is not lost. This free tutorial (a $100 value!) will get you up to speed in no time.

Contrary to popular belief, "your" and "you're" are not, in fact, interchangable. Let's take a look at how they differ:

• "Your" indicates possession, as in "I'm going to put my foot up your ass.
• "You're" is a contraction of "you are," as in "You're about to learn the meaning of pain."

So as you can see, it is not at all difficult to determine which is correct in any given situation. In other words, this is elementary grammar that any fourth grader should know. Get it right.

Oh, and if you use "ur" as a substitue for either, because you're too lazy to type a few more characters, then "ur" a fucking moron.

A co-worker forwarded this to me today: